Getting the balance right

Those of you who know me will know that I am generally an all or nothing kind of girl - I am either committed to something 100% or can't be bothered as it is all just too hard. I am starting to learn that life doesn't have to be this way - I can take the middle road on occasions and nothing bad will happen to me.

My exercise of late has not been as good as was a few months ago. I think this is mainly due to the cold weather because I am a big wus and don't like being cold so it became easier for me not to exercise rather than exercise in the cold. Unfortunately, once you are out of the habit of exercising, it is harder to get back into it. But, we are working on it and while we don't manage to walk every single day, we do walk more days of the week than not. At one point I was almost obssesed with having to do 10,000 steps each day - so much so I would run up and down the passage trying to make my steps for that day. Now I have realised that some days it just isn't going to happen - and, it isn't the end of the world if it doesn't. Sometimes life gets in the way of exercise and that is just how it is, and, if I don't make 10,000 steps today, the sun will still come up tomorrow (unless we are having really cr*ppy weather in which case it will be lighter than if it was night time !).

I have not been in the right head space to really concentrate on losing these last bloody 7-8kgs - maybe I am meant to be the weight that I am because I have found it relatively easy to maintain this weight since the middle of June. When I write it like that it seems like a long time to be dicking around and not getting serious about what I am doing but then it has been winter and everyone knows that we eat more comfort type food in winter - and maybe I am being too hard on myself. Being able to maintain my weight is what I am aiming for - if I practise a bit along the way to losing all the weight - is that such a bad thing ?

It is certainly a lot easier to watch what I am eating at my new job. We are in an industrial area with nowhere to buy food so any food I want to eat during the day I have to take with me - no vending machines close by, no servo within walking distance and I can't be bothered getting in the car and driving 5kms to the nearest shopping centre for a chocolate. So, it should be easy, shouldn't it ???? But it isn't, because I haven't been getting much work from Coles which means I am sitting at home at night, often by myself, and what is the best thing to do when you are home alone - eat, of course !!!!! I tried not having junk food in the house - that worked except that even if you eat too much of any 'good' foods, the calories still mount up. I need to work on how to deal with this issue - maybe I should be doing my paperwork or yoga or pilates - anything but eating !!!

Work is improving and today I really enjoyed my day - although I did spend nearly 4 hours on two conference calls and for some reason I was the one doing most of the talking !!!! I am not sure how that happened except that maybe seeing as I am the newest member of the team, I had the most questions but it certainly kept that 3pm slump at bay. I am really excited about the new system that we are moving to - I think it is going to make my job so much easier and free up some of my time so that I can persue more worthwhile projects - at least that is what I am hoping will happen !!!

On that note, I am off to do the washing and then get into bed - far away from the kitchen and the food - to read until Al gets home from work. I can't believe that it is Thursday already tomorrow - another week has just flown by.

Take care and go safely !

TFTD : There is a prayer that lives in the centre of your heart. If you pray it, it will change your life. How does it begin - Matthew Anderson

Surprise !

A surprise birthday party for me is what I walked into when we got home from picking up some DVD’s last night ! A and K had organised another surprise party for me without me suspecting a thing – he really is amazing at being able to do this. When I look back now I can see the signs and the reason for some of the questions and decisions that were made but at the time I had no idea.

I don’t know how he knew I was going to suggest getting some DVD’s last night and he won’t say what plan B was if I didn’t suggest getting them. K got home from work and I said “What about getting some DVD’s ?” and she said “OK” so off we went. Then she was calling A to check if he wanted to see what we had chosen (Law Abiding Citizen and Dear John) and he said they were fine (not sure if that was what he really said actually !!!). Next thing, her phone rings again and she tells me that he has called to say that they really are OK – I am sure that they were just making sure we didn’t get home before everyone got there !!!!

When we drove down our street, I saw my folks car and said to K “Wonder why Gogo and Papa are here ? They don’t normally come this late in the evening.” She replied that maybe they had come to check mail. So I left it at that. Anyway, got inside and as I walked into the kitchen she said I had to close my eyes – I thought that it was just my folks there but there were other family and friends as well. It was just lovely.

They had organised all the food – nibblies, meat, salads, rolls, dessert – everything !!!!! A and I had had an amazing day together and it was just the perfect way to end the day.

I am so lucky to have the wonderful family that I have. I couldn’t have asked for a more caring, mostly unselfish daughter who is not always just totally wrapped up in herself, or a husband who is also my best friend who I wouldn’t swop for anything in the whole wide world. I love you guys both so much – I wish that I had words to tell you just how much.

Thank you both for a blast of a birthday – now the downward slippery slope to 50 is calling !!!!! Bring it on is all I can say.

First day down

Well all the nerves were for nothing - I think that I am going to really enjoy working at my new job ! I guess I should have known that the nerves and the churning stomach were for nothing when they were happening but you know what it is like sometimes - even though you know something in your head doesn't make it not happen in your body !!!!!

Hopefully now (well from next week probably) - some sort of normalcy will return to my life and I can get back on track with losing these last 8-10kgs. I guess the good think is that over the past couple of weeks I have learnt what I need to do to maintain my weight - always a good thing given how many times I have lost these pesky kilos, only to gain them back at a later stage !!

Financially we are going to have to pull our belts in a bit as I have taken a drop in salary to leave Council but I think that in the long run the opportunities that I have at this company far outweigh the financial loss which is hopefully only a short term issue. If The Body and Feet Retreat continues to grow, we may even be able to look at giving up working at Coles (although we may stay on as casuals so that we continue to get the 5% discount on our groceries !!!!!)

I am feeling so much happier in myself and I am sure that I will be able to translate this into continuing with my weight loss. My plan is to take the rest of this week off and to seriously get back into a healthy lifestyle from next week. I can't say that I need to be more conscious of what I am eating because I have made conscious decisions to eat and drink what I have, but they haven't always been the best choices that I could make. My exercise has sort of fallen by the wayside because I have had lots of reasons (read excuses here !!!!) for not exercising BUT I can feel it and I know that I need to get back to exercising daily and NOT finding excuses about why I can't exercise UNLESS there is a legitimate reason e.g. getting home from work at 5.30 - seeing a client from 6-7.15 and then working from 8-12 - I don't expect myself to perform miracles and try to get 60 mins of exercising in between all of that. Instances like the above are the ONLY reason I shouldn't be exercising. (I may have to have a re-read of this next week when I forget about this decision !)

Have a great week everyone - I am happy, happy , happy and I wish you all you wish for yourself !

Every choice before you represents the universe inviting you to remember who you are and what you want.

Too long !

It's been ages since I posted but I haven't felt like I have had anything worthwhile to post about so figured there was no point in posting about nothing !

The whole job issue has been on and off since about 10 June - I am just so glad that it has finally been resolved and I can start the new role on Tuesday. I was hoping to finish up at Council on Friday but they are holding me to the 7 days notice that I had to give but that is OK. It gives me one more day to go through things with the new contractor.

My weight and exercise seem to have come to a bit of a standstill at the moment but that is OK. I am maintaining my weight reasonably well - have put on 0.4 in 2 weeks but we have been out to dinner a couple of times where I have made choices that were probably not the best I could have made but were things which I really felt like eating so figure that is what maintaining is all about. I also had dessert both times we were out. I have been out to lunch a couple of times with people wanting to say goodbye - made reasonable choices but again, could maybe have made better choices. Again, I have been happy to just able to maintain at the moment because of the stress in other areas of my life. I am learning to find the balance between my weight and what I eat and how I cope with other issues in my life. I guess this is what the key is to being able to maintain - what I need to do now is get back to how I thought about 4-6 weeks ago so that I can lose these last 8-10kgs and get to the weight that I want to, and then be able to maintain at THAT weight. The I will be happy - not because all my worries will be gone, but because I will be at a weight that I am happy at. I realise that losing weight doesn't mean that all my problems are lost as well, it just means that I can deal with my problems at a lower weight that what I used to weigh.

Not only have I had the stress of the job happening but I have also had some health issues which, after some exploratory stuff, we are no closer to finding a resolution than we were before they started. I have decided to just put it all out of my mind, just wish my family could do the same.

But, it is all good from now. On Tuesday I start my new job, on Wednesday I turn 45 (which is a pleasant surprise as I thought I was already 45 turning 46 !!!!), and I feel like I am getting back into the right head space to be able to tackle these last few kilos and get rid of them. I know that as I get closer to my goal weight, the weight takes longer to lose, but I am prepared to just keep at it until it happens. I KNOW that I can do this - now I just need to make it happen. (OK - having eaten 3/4 of a packet for biscuits this afternoon isn't going to help) - that has happened and maybe I just need to do some damage control over the next couple of days to counter act what I did.

I do think that once things have settled on the job front, everything else will fall into place. It seems that I can't really concentrate on two many fronts at once - clearly I am not as skilled at multi-tasking as what I thought !!!!!! Or maybe I just use having a few things on the go as an excuse to have a lapse in my healthy eating - whatever it is, it is going to stop - now - tonight - OK, maybe tomorrow as I am at home by myself tonight and I can hear all sorts of food calling me !!!

Hopefully the weather will be good tomorrow and we will be out there exercising and enjoying ourselves. Last weekend we did a 28km ride on Sunday - Al said, "Hey, if we just do this route another 3 times, we would have just finished the Brisbane to Gold Coast" - that is our next cycling goal - the 100km Brisbane to Gold Coast cycle. Our next walking goal is the 14km Bridge to Brisbane at the end of next month - best get out there in our walking shoes or on our bicycles otherwise we aren't likely to achieve those goals.

Choose being kind over being right, and you'll be right every time - Richard Carlson

We did it !!!!!

First off I want to thank A and K for their encouragement and support during the ride and the training - it was a great family effort and I think we all did really well.

We were up just after 4am - got the drinks and last few things packed and we were on our way. Arrived in Brisbane with plenty of time to spare and managed to get a parking right across from the park where we needed to be. Thankfully it wasn't as cold as we thought it could have been although it was a little chilly out of the car.

I guess next year we will tackle the start of the race a little differently - we went close to the back so that we were out of the way of the pack but then everyone started joining from the side so, even though we were there and waiting from about 6.15am - we didn't actually get to leave until just after 7.30 - a long time to be waiting around for something to happen.

Anyway, got onto the course and, as my friend said, before I knew it 9.5km were gone and I hadn't even realised it. The hills were as bad as I remembered them and in most instances I just fixed my gaze 2m in front of my bike and just kept pedalling. What I had forgotten was that the majority of the hills were in the second 25kms !!! But that became apparent when we got to the compulsory half way stop and we still had some horrible hills to go. But, it was all good. We had a banana, some trail mix and some energade and then took off again. I was having a lot of pain in my right kidney but that seems to have gone now so that is good.

A and I used our camelpaks but they were leaking and we found ourselves with wet pants and then wet shirts as we were trying to feed the tube around so that it didn't drip - will have to see about replacing some of the parts - maybe they have perished from not being used !!!! I only dry heaved once which was great - normally that happens at the top of most hills !!!! Sometimes I was at the back going up the hills and sometimes I was in the front - and sometimes I was even in the middle. We weren't sure how we were going to be able to stay in contact with each other and said we would catch up at the halfway mark if we lost contact but it was relatively easy once we were away from the crowd.

The second half I think was definitely harder than the first half and I kept on getting cramp in my toes. A said that his toes were really cold and suggested that maybe we shouldn't have laughed at the guy all kitted out with the cycling gear who had socks over his shoes !!! It was quite funny at stages - people all kitted out in, what looked like the most flash outfits and shoes etc etc, walking up the hills. Thankfully I managed to keep my bum on the saddle the whole way - no walking for me !!! I was very proud of that although if things had got to tough I would have walked if I had to.

Our average speed for the 50kms was 20kph which wasn't bad given that I was going up some hills at 8kph !!!! I also reached a personal best - fastest time of 47.78kph - obviously on a downhill !

K slept on the way up and the way down. My legs were really sore and stiff on the way down and, although I was going to sell tickets to see us getting out the car when we finally got home - it probably wasn't as funny as it could have been as I was busting to go to the toilet and so the minute the car stopped and the garage door was open, I was out the car and into the house without thinking too much about how much my legs hurt ! After unpacking the car we showered and then spent the afternoon in front of the TV - dozing, watching TV, reading and knitting.

What a great way to spend a Sunday - can't wait to do it again next year and now the Brisbane to Gold Coast isn't as frightening as it was before this morning - bring it on !!!!!!

Have a fantastic week, take care and go safely !

Weight down, mood down

My weight was down 0.4kg this morning – I was hoping for 0.5 but it wasn’t to be – and that is OK because it is what it is. That takes my total to 21.9kg in 23 weeks.

My motivation today is lacking – even my FOCUS post-it on my computer didn’t do it for me. I don’t know if it is the weather that made me just want to eat whatever I could lay my hands on but I don’t like it. I feel like I am out of control with my food and I don’t like feeling like that – I don’t want to think that the food is controlling me. I NEED to be in control of what I eat – that is how I have got as far as I have. I don’t want to undo the good that I have done so far, but I am going to have to find something from somewhere to turn this feeling around. It was only a few weeks ago that I was really happy with life – granted there is something happening that it probably the cause of this, but, until decisions are made, I can’t change what is going to happen and I just have to accept it. Easier said than done, I know.

Maybe it is the lack of exercise that is also contributing to making me feel down – those endorphins haven’t had much chance lately to get pumped around. While I understand that it is OK to exercise when the weather is cold, I think it probably isn’t a good idea to exercise in the cold when I have a cold which is why I haven’t had as much exercise lately as I would have liked. I don’t know if the race on Sunday is playing on my mind as well – I know that we can cycle the 50kms and finish (we don’t have any times in mind for how long we are going to take), but I am still nervous about either stacking it myself or someone else stacking it and causing me grief. The fact that the roads are not being closed is of concern as well – knowing that many motorists have such little regard for cyclists.

Yoga was good although my right thigh is feeling a little tender now after some of the poses that we did. We worked on pigeon pose and other variations which were good - these poses always get me in the glutes. We did a really slow, contemplative salute to the sun which I really enjoyed and, of course, the meditation which is always the best way to finish the class. Somehow the energy there is so much better than when I try to meditate on my own at home.

This is a bit disjointed – sorry my mind is all over the place tonight. So much so I am using my TFTD from work here as well !!!!!! Yes, I know that I need to read this particular TFTD and take it on board because it speaks directly to how I feel right now.

TFTD : Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Last week

My weigh on Thursday saw a loss of 1.4kg taking my total loss to 21.5kg in 22 weeks which I am very happy with. I am feeling so much better in myself – not surprising with that amount of weight gone. Now if I could just get rid of this head cold that I have it would be great ! What I am worried about is not being able to exercise – (a) because it is too cold and (b) because I feel cr*p but I don’t want to get out of the habit of exercising. I get cranky when I don’t exercise – my family don’t like it !!!! (And neither do I actually !)

K has been battling a head cold for a few days now and has been taking some OTC stuff to try to help with a blocked nose and sore throat. That finished yesterday and I stopped at the chemist on the way home from work to get some more stuff for her and I – at the moment no point in going to the dr because there is no infection or anything like that.

We decided to give yoga a last week – couldn’t imagine doing downward dog or salute to the sun with a head that feels like this!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately - things just seem to be so hectic at the moment although I am not sure why because with us being sick, we haven't exercised as much as we normally do or as much as I would like. I guess this past week has made me realise that, while exercise is good for me, I also need to listen to my body when it is not feeling 100%. I have been looking at my charms a lot lately - my runner keeps reminding me of how much fitter I am now than I used to be and my yinyang charm reminds me to keep the balance and if that means not exercising because I am not well, then that is what I need to do, no matter how much my head is saying "Get out there and exercise !!!!"

TFTD : If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something – Gertrude Stein