Thursday, August 20, 2009

An update before the next operation

I can't believe that the last time I posted was the day after the operation. Unfortunately the excellent vision that I had on the day after the operation has deteriorated - still 100 times better than I was before the operation but not as good as it was on the day after. Surgeon said that this sometimes does happen. He is disappointed with how my eye accepted the lens - from a health point of view my eye is in excellent condition but according to the measurements / machine reading etc - it should have come out at -.5 but it actually came out at -1.5. Not bad - but not as good as he wanted. Now the trick with the right eye is guessing whether it will behave the same way. He is aiming to get as close to 0 as possible which will mean that I will have good reading vision in my left eye and good distance vision in my right eye and my brain should be able to work them together so that I have good all round vision.

I was talking to my folks today and my Dad was worried that he had talked me into the operations - I said that he mustn't worry because I have never thought "Geez - this was a mistake" because at the moment, I am still better off than I was before the op. I think that maybe they didn't notice how long it took for their eyes to settle down because they aren't working in an office on a computer and with paperwork all day long - that is where it gets tricky because my left eye focuses at about 80cm and my right eye at 40-50cm and my brain isn't adjusting very well !!!! I know I just need to BE PATIENT but it is not a quality that I possess in any great volume !!

This time I am going to take the time suggested off work because I have realised that going back to work a week earlier than they suggest is not the smartest thing I ever did !!! And maybe that has hindered the recovery of my eye - will see how the right eye behaves next week. A has decided to take the whole week off with me so that will be good - I will even have my own driver !!!! It is Gold Coast show day the day after the op so he doesn't have to take any time off to drive me to the surgeon that day.

Once this eye is done I am going to turn my focus onto the real issue - our health - losing weight and getting fit and healthy. A friend of ours - not much older than A - and a lot fitter and slimmer - had a stroke about 6 weeks ago. We went to see him on the way up the Sunshine Coast on Friday and he was better and worse than I expected - he was better in that he recognised us straight away, carried out conversations and asked about K, spoke about people he and A had worked with in SA and worse in how much weight he had lost and to see how little control he had over his right leg - left side paralysed - so sad. We are going to see how things are on Sunday and take his wife out to lunch and then spend some time with him as he has been moved from Brisbane to Redcliffe (I think that is where he is now). That was a real wake up call for me and for A and at the back of my head, I keep thinking of G and realising that unless I do something to change how unhealthy I am - I could land up like him.

I guess I really have to get focussed - think about what I want to achieve and then work out a plan on how I am going to achieve it. It shouldn't be hard - I have done it so many times - I have to find what is going to work to get me motivated to do what I know I need to do - do what I have done so many times before - do what needs to be done to get me healthy and fit. Who has some motivation they can bottle up and send to me ? Or a seed that I can plant and grow some of my own ? I really don't mind sharing once I have it - I just need to somehow find a way to get it. I need a light bulb moment of ginormous size !

K's formal is in 3 weeks time and I am embarrassed to have to go at the weight that I am - those pictures are going to be around forever and I will be in them - like a whale - feeling awful about myself - not only am I obesely overweight but I can't even wear any make-up because I can't touch my eye that would have been operated on only 2 weeks prior ! The poor child - probably won't want any photos with me in them - and I can't say that I blame her.

We have started walking in the evenings as I am once again doing letter box drops for the business. While I am not happy working at council - it has certainly been good for business - the referral system around there is fantastic - not enough to let me pack in my day job (or even our night jobs) but certainly enough to keep the coffers ticking over - and for that I will always be grateful for the opportunity to work at council. Other than that I will probably leave there bald because everyday there is someone else who does something totally unbelievable - a decision that is made that is just beyond belief - and at times like these I feel like pulling another few hairs out - just now it will all be gone !!!

I will try to be back more frequently to post - and to get some inspiration as I, once again, try to get rid of these pesky kilos that seem to just sneak up without me knowing about them until one day BAM there they are and they don't want to be shifted !!! If only the BAM would work in shifting kilos the way they say it shifts grime and grease !

TFTD - Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.

1 comment:

kathy-shell said...

Wishing you well Linda and I know you will look beautiful in the group photos you refer to and your family will be proud of you. Lose weight for sure to feel and be healthier but know you are BEATIFUL NOW and doing small loving things for yourself, like taking this extra week off to recover from your eye operation are the sorts of measures that lower stroke risk, even faster than dropping kilos.
Just keep nurturing yourself with self love and your health, eyes and weight will become closer to everything you hope they will be.

Kathy