Monday, May 31, 2010

Complacency or ................ ?

I am starting with the TFTD today because it is so relevant for me at the moment.

"You may have a fresh start any time you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down" Mary Pickford

Having lost 18.5kgs, I am feeling successful in my weight loss endeavours but I am also finding that it is easier to eat those things that are not assisting me in losing the next 12-15kgs that I want to lose to get to the weight that I want to be. Initially, it was so much easier to just say no to the things that weren't helping me get to where I want to be but now it is harder. I feel more like I am entitled to have a life without total deprivation, but am I if I can't control it ????????

Yesterday is a good example - we got up early and had our breakfast before going to the race. Got home and walked the dogs down to the park at the Broadwater to run and fetch the ball. Came home and showered and off to Robina to do some shopping. At 11.30 K said "I know it is early for lunch but I am starving." I suggest sushi or Subway. A suggests Grill'd. Off we go to Grill'd because the weather is a bit cold and we want something warm. That is fine - I have a grilled chicken burger and a couple of chips (OK more than a couple because I felt like cr*p about 30 mins later because I had eaten said chips !!!!). I didn't eat the whole roll and left some of the salad stuff out as well because there was just too much. Had a Coke Zero - so far, not too bad. Then we walk past Darryl Lea - liquorice - 98% fat free (never mind all the sugar !!!) so we buy a packet. After a couple of hours it is time to go to the movies - we have booked to see Robin Hood using the Gold Lounge tickets that Al got for his birthday. We get there and get a drink - only diet drink is Pepsi Max (which I hate) so I have Solo. Strike 1. Then the movie starts and they bring us each a box of popcorn. I have about 1/5 box and realise I am just eating it because it is there so stop but really, that is Strike 2 ! Prior to going into the movies we ordered spring rolls and chips at 4.30 and then sticky date pudding with ice-cream at 5.30 - these come and I happily partake of them 'because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity - we aren't going to pay $35 each for movie tickets no matter how comfy the chairs and why should I deprive myself' - Strike 3 and, if I was playing baseball or softball, I would be out.

Am I getting too complacent with my loss to date ? Or, is life for living and it can't be all about denying the nicer things in life ? Or, it is about being able to do it all in moderation ? I think it is a bit of the first and last question - I AM getting complacent with my loss to date - my clothes are fitting better, people are commenting on how much weight I have lost and I am feeling good about myself. Will I feel better in another 12-15kgs time - for sure I will. Will I be able to lose that next 12-15kgs - not so certain. Can I have a bit of those extra things without going overboard - I have ALWAYS been an all or nothing kind of person. I am either totally committed or can't be bothered - there is very little that is middle of the road for me and I need to find the balance between being totally obsessed with my weight and living a life that is enjoyable and worth living. Just how I am going to do this I don't know. What I do know is that my TFTD today is one that I am going to keep with me to remind me that I am NOT a failure until I stop picking myself up and trying again.

Have a great week everyone and take care !

Friday, May 28, 2010

Nothing to say !

Those of you who know me will know that the title of today's post is a little unusual - I usally have lots to say about a whole range of things. Tonight I sat down to blog and I went "I have nothing to say today". I have sat here wracking my brain for a few minutes and I still "have nothing to say" - so on that note, I am going to go and give my child a massage that she asked for.

Have a great weekend !

TFTD : Life is like a sandwich - the more you add to it the better it becomes.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The dreaded snooze button

Does anyone dislike the snooze button as much as I do ? I think I dislike it more than the actual alarm going off in the morning. Mine might be a bit dodgy which is why sometimes it snoozes for just a minute and other times it snoozes for the conventional 5 minutes – but, no matter what it snoozes for, it seems to me that I just doze off and it is going off again. I know, I know – if I just got up when the alarm first went off I wouldn’t have to worry about the snooze button – but I can’t. No matter how many times I try – I just can’t get out of bed when the alarm goes off – I NEED to have a few ‘snoozes’ before I get up. I don’t know why – A doesn’t know why – but I am sure he wishes that I would just get up the first time it goes off. He generally doesn’t get up until after me so there must be mornings when I snooze for about 30 minutes with the alarm going off every 5 minutes it must drive him nuts but, given he has never said anything, maybe it isn’t that bad !! Of course winter time is worse because the chance to stay snuggled under the doona for those extra few minutes sometimes is just too hard to resist – the down side is that, the longer I lie in bed, the more I have to rush or the later I will be for work which probably isn’t the end of the world but if I am too late I have to stay later to make up the time (or just get paid less) and, the chances of getting a parking space diminish in direct proportion to how late I am.

This adds to the dilemma of how short to cut my hair. The shorter it is the more often I have to wash it – at least if I can tie it up, I only have to wash it every other day instead of every day and, with winter on the way, I would prefer to spend every second longer in the morning in bed rather than getting up earlier every morning to wash and dry my hair UNLESS I went really, really short but my head may not like that during winter – at least with long hair, I have a chance of keeping some part of my body i.e. my head, warm. Given how much I feel the cold, this is probably going to be the deciding factor in the decision on how short to cut my hair. There is still a part of me that wants to go really short but that part may have to just wait until closer to summer (and more kilos gone).

TFTD : There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden, or even your bathtub.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Another Monday

How come Monday seems to come around so much more frequently than Friday ? It seems like every time I turn around it is Monday again but man, I have to wait and wait and wait for Friday to get here. I suppose that it is just one of those things that are part of the unexplained.

We had a great weekend – a good mix of clients, chores around the house, exercising and resting. We got up to Brisbane yesterday and cycled 28kms of the race – boy are the hills in Brisbane something else when compared to those on the Gold Coast – I guess everything really is bigger and better up there ! The worst thing is that we didn’t get to do the worst hill – the one that dog legs about 3 or 4 times. Will try to get to that one next time we go up – probably in two weeks time as next Sunday we have the fourth race in the Corporate Challenge races so think we will just cycle locally on Sunday and do some hill work around here.

On our way home we stopped off and got two new saddles as A and I are still battling with our butts on the saddles we had. Unfortunately our butts did not like the time they spent on the saddles yesterday so we have decided to stop dicking around trying to change the angle of the saddles that we have and to get new ones – these have a 90 day money back g’tee so you had better believe that if our butts don’t like these ones, they are going to be going back.

I think that I am soon going to have to put a ban on us going to Anaconda – just like I had to do with Bunnings when we first moved into the house. You will be amazed at all the things you didn’t know you needed until you go into one of these two shops and then – BAM – it hits you – gosh this would be handy to have, wow this would work really well over here, gee this is amazing and I am sure that we will be able to use it so much – it just never stops. The worst thing is that you go there expecting to spend maybe $2 buying a washer for a leaking tap and come out having spent $150 on stuff that you didn’t even know you needed but which you are really sure is good value for money !

A’s hand is progressing slowly – he has taken leave this week from Coles so it is going to be great having him at home in the evenings. I am also another step closer to a different marketing strategy thanks to the help of a very dear friend, I now have a one colour DL size flyer ready to be saved as a pdf file and sent to the printer for printing and distribution. I just need to decide what areas I want to target and how much money I can afford to spend.

My weight is slowly coming down this week – not as fast as I would like but then it never is, is it ? Today I could so easily have walked to the Arts CafĂ© and bought a milk chocolate macadamia cookie but kept putting it off until it was just about home time and there is no point in eating a cookie that close to going home – could just wait and have a fruit cup when I get home and save those calories for another day when I am really desperate for something sweet.

TFTD : You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The weekend is here !

There were times during this week when I wondered if the weekend would ever arrive – but it has and I am happy !

Unfortunately the Saturday morning yoga classes have been cancelled as the yogi’s husband now has to work on a Saturday so won’t be starting my weekend with a yoga class anymore which is a little sad but these things happen.

I have one client booked in and someone else interested in an appointment so will wait to see if anything eventuates with the second client. Other than that, I have to go for a blood test in the morning and then that is probably me for the day. I might take some time out and try to rest up a little – I haven’t been feeling all that flash this past week and wonder if maybe we are overdoing the exercise a little. A keeps reminding me that rest is an important part of exercise – maybe tonight will be a good night to have off seeing as it is raining and, while I know we won’t melt, A’s chest is not all that good and the chances of him getting sick as a result of walking in the rain are rather high. I would rather forego one night’s walk and not have a sick husband than the other way around !

We had a look at the paperwork that we have received for the race next month – BIG BUGGER – they don’t close the roads to traffic while we are cycling – BUGGER, BUGGER, BUGGER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did we miss seeing that somewhere before we registered (probably because we didn’t have the paperwork we have just received or maybe we just didn’t read all the pages on the website !!!!!) – so, now do I not only have to make sure to stay clear of any cyclists who may have stacked it ahead of me but I have to worry about bloody cars driving right next to me as well !!!!! Bet there aren’t any cycle tracks along the route to help us either !!!! This is getting to be more than a little harder than I originally anticipated but, it will all be good when we are finished, in one piece (I hope) and proud of what we have achieved !

My eating is going along at an OK kind of pace – I am doing my own breakfast and having a L&E meal in a bowl for lunch and then the L&E dinner but I am finding that I am spending more time thinking about what I would really really like to eat and that is probably because I am bored at work. I need to find a job that is challenging and busy (not in a frantic way but enough to just keep me going the whole day) that tests my brain and what I am capable of achieving. I did see a job yesterday that I want to apply for but I know that it was advertised about 3 or 4 months ago so have to wonder what happened to the person who was appointed – should probably check to see if I applied for it when I saw it that time ago. You would think that if their first choice person didn’t work out (for whatever reason), they would have looked at other candidates who applied. Never mind, I will send my application off tonight and see if anything comes of it.

TFTD : When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability …. to be alive is to be vulnerable.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

So close .......

to the 20kg mark. A loss of 2.1kg this morning took my total loss to date to 17.9kg – I can almost smell the 20kg mark. I just need to be patient and continue to do what I have been doing. We have been tracking our weight loss (since the beginning) and exercise (not as long) and I want to try to find the time to have a look back, week for week, to see whether the amount, type or intensity of exercise has any bearing on my losses.

One thing that I have noticed is that the plateau that I was in before we went away is well and truly gone. I think that my plan moving forward is going to be, firstly, have a look to see how many weeks we had been watching what we were eating before I hit the plateau and when I get to around that mark again, take a week or two off – eat what I want, within reason, and just have a break. The break that we had when we were away really seems to have given my weight loss a good jolt back to where it should be. I am still amazed at my losses, while I am being good about what I eat, I didn’t think I had been that good to have lost just on 4.5kgs in two weeks this far into my journey. Maybe it is the exercise that is really helping to burn these calories – I have noticed that when we are out walking each day, we don’t just stroll along, we walk quite quickly although there are times when we do seem to slow down a little and when I realise this, I step it up a notch again.

I love the feeling that I get when exercising but I also need to start listening to what my body is saying to me while exercising. My right thigh was twinging a bit last night and the night before but we still walked the longer route. When I mentioned it to A he said that it may be muscle fatigue because we have done quite a bit lately so we have decided that we will just do the ‘short’ walk tonight and see how it goes because it is only on the extra bit of the walk that I have felt the twinging happen.

I need to get about 4-5kgs more off so that I can fit into my next lot of clothes – I seem to be at the in-between stage and it is very frustrating. I have one pair of work pants that fit me nicely, the others are all too big, and, while I can wear them, they are really quite uncomfortable. Maybe if I get a chance on the weekend I will get the next lot of pants out the kist and see just how far off I am being able to get into them. I know that a while ago I thought to myself that it was about 5kgs but maybe it isn’t that much anymore.

We are planning a cycle along the route in Brisbane on Sunday. It won’t be the full route – just part of it so that we can see how the bikes handle the cr*ppy roads of Brisbane ! Also, we will probably pick a section that has a couple of hills reasonably close together so that we can get some hill work in at the same time.

TFTD : Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time you live all the days of your life.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Life is good !

I have been doing some thinking lately as I have a few health issues that need to be addressed – and they always make you think about other stuff, don’t they ? Anyway, even though I have these things to deal with, I was thinking about how good life is for me right now (geez, I hope I don’t jinx it by saying this !!!!). I have a fantastic family who are loving and supportive of what I do, I have a business that I am growing which does take a lot of energy but it is good to see the results of the energy spent when I get repeat clients, my weight is moving towards being in a healthy range and I love exercising and find I can get a bit cranky when we have to miss exercising for whatever reason – life is good !

I don’t know if it is my attitude that has changed or whether things are just better but I don’t feel nearly as stressed as I used to. Financially we aren’t doing as well as I would like but even that doesn’t seem to be getting me into the spin that it used to – maybe because now I realise that we are doing what we can and there isn’t much more we can do to generate extra funds (winning Lotto would be great but I don’t think it would be wise to hang everything on that happening). I could hound Coles for more shifts but I don’t think that is the answer – the one thing I would love is for the business to really take off so that A could give up Coles (but I am working on that and it will happy in time – I just hope it happens sooner rather than later !)

On the job front things aren’t all that flash – in fact, they are bloody awful – but I have realised that in order for me to concentrate my energies on my family, our business, my weight loss and our exercise, I need an area of my life that demands nothing of me other than that I show up each day, ready to put in my 9 hrs and leave at the end of the day – not having to take work home with me, not even having to take thoughts of work home with me. The last permanent job that I had saw me working 70-80 hour weeks and I know that that isn’t what I want for myself or my family – the money and the prestige of the job just aren’t worth the sacrifices we had to make for me to stay in that job and the reason why I left, for the first time ever, without having another job to go to. Probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but geez am I glad I did.

I am now starting to appreciate the down time that I do have instead of feeling guilty because I am not rushing around ‘doing’ something !

I think one of the things which is really keeping me motivated is the compliments that I have been receiving – people are really noticing the weight loss and that seems to help me stay focussed on what I need to do to continue to keep the weight coming off. When I was phoning to make an appointment with one of the specialists yesterday, the receptionist asked me what my weight was because she said she would need it for the anaesthetist – I told her what it was but also said that it wouldn’t be that in July when I have the procedure because I hope to be a lot less by then. She then asked me what I had been doing and I told her and she sounded so happy that I had lost this much weight and wished me good luck with continuing on my journey – it was just great because she doesn’t know me from a bar of soap so really had nothing to gain by being happy for what I had achieved especially as she said she had about 30kgs to lose and would love to be my current weight !!!!

To all those people out there battling and struggling with their own issues – hang in there, it does get better. There were times when I wondered if I was doomed to a life of worry and lack, but now I realise that it is up to me to make my life the best that it can be. Sitting around doing nothing but expecting it all to arrive on my doorstep is not how the universe works – nor does it work on a one for one basis of you do something for me and I will do something for you – it does except us to get up and go out there and grab hold of what we want and make it our own. And that is what I am doing – I am taking responsibility for the things that I can control and I am not worrying about the things that I can’t. I am going to use my energy in positive ways rather than negative ways and I am going to be the best person that I can be. (I am also going to ear mark this post for days when I feel like it is all turning to cr*p so that I can come and have a re-read of how positive I can be !)

TFTD : The distance is nothing, it is the first step only that is difficult.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The birthday week that was

Well the birthday week is over after much celebrating and eating and drinking - thank goodness birthdays only come around once a year - except of course if you are born on 29th February in which case they only come around once every four years. The only problem is that everyone's birthday comes around once a year so in actual fact you land up celebrating more than just once a year if you add up everyone's birthday that you celebrate you would find that some months it would be hard to get through the month without more than a few birthdays sneaking up on you - this makes it hard to lose weight when you don't want to offend anyone by picking at your meal or their birthday cake or snacks or whatever they have provided you to eat and drink. But, celebrate with our friends and family we do and then hope that we can increase our exercise enough to work off the additional calories we ate and drank in the celebrations.

K had a wonderful birthday week and it was fantastic watching her enjoy the time with her family and friends but I am glad that we can return to some sort of normalacy now. I have been doing the best I can with the food choices available and have increased my exercise where possible so the scales are showing a loss so far this week taking me (up to today) to a loss just under 17kgs. I am happy about that but just wish that I could shed these last 15kgs quicker - mind you I think I also keep moving the goal posts because originally I said I wanted to lose 30kgs - now that has crept up to 32kgs - maybe what I should do is have a look at how I feel and look when I get closer and then decide on the number but for now, the number seems soooooooooooooooooo far away and I want it to be closer. I guess eating those extra snacks and biscuits won't help, will they ?????

We did a 48km cycle yesterday in preparation for the race at the end of June - the first 20kms incorporated hills along Turpin Rd, Johnstone St and Ferry Rd down to Broadbeach but then the cycle home, via the Spit was all flat - not good preparation for hills but good preparation for butt time on the saddle as the ride landed up being about 2.5hrs. Will be doing more of these rides over the coming weekends.

I have a couple of repeat clients booked in this week which is always good - I am still planning on getting my walking/cycling in every day because I need to do it to achieve my weight loss goals. This week I have stuck to my promise to only not exercise if I had something else on or was injured in some way - I have had lots on but I haven't been injured so have exercised at every opportunity and I do believe that that has helped with my weight loss this week - of course the party on Friday night could still catch up with me and if I don't stop sneaking a few extra biscuits for my afternoon tea, it is definitely going to show up so I guess I had better get my act together before weigh-in on Thursday morning.

Someone asked me a while ago if I was happy with my weight loss and I said to her that it was slower than I would have liked but faster than I expected and I put this down to the fact that I am more consistent with my exercise than I have every been before. Previosuly I might have done my 30 mins 3 x per week and that would have been it - if I was really daring I might have done it 4 x per week whereas now we are walking the dogs almost every day (at least 6 out of 7 days) and cycling on top of that when we can plus our walks are faster and longer. What I don't want to happen is that I become complacent about what I have lost which I think is beginning to happen hence the extra 1 or 2 biscuits for my snacks which can sometimes turn into another 5 or 6 at night when I am finished with my clients and feeling a little peckish - yes, I could probably have a fruit cup but how interesting is that ??????? I used to think that would be fine to have - now I don't so I need to find that part of my brain that says, when you want something sweet late at night, have a fruit cup instead of a handfull of biscuits. If you find that part of my brain anywhere on your travels, please send it home to me.

On that note, I am off to bed - a lovely, electric blanket warmed bed that is going to keep me cozy until A gets home from work.

Take care and be good to yourselves !

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Another year older - not me, K !

Where has the time gone to – it certainly doesn’t feel like 18 years since I went into hospital to have K. As with all families, we have had our ups and our downs but we are so proud of the young lady that she has become and I have to thank Al for being the fantastic Dad that he has been – I could never have managed without him.

I haven’t had a chance to blog about our holiday because the notes that I made are my phone and, for whatever reason, won’t allow themselves to be mailed to an address where I can use them from so I am going to have to (at some point in time) sit down and transcribe them from my phone – when I get a chance !

We had a fantastic break. The weight wasn’t all that flash but within 2 days of getting home I had lost the weight that I had put on while away on holiday so I really can’t complain about that. The highlights for me of the holiday were :
Being comfortable in an aeroplane seat and not having to extend the seat belt in order to be able to do it up.
Being able to go into a whole range of shops, take clothes off the rack, try them on and then decide which of them I wanted to buy or not buy as was the case in most instances – not because they didn’t fit, but because I felt that I didn’t really need them.
Being able to eat what I wanted without feeling guilty (most of the time) because I knew that when we got home again, we would be back on track with our eating and our exercise and it would all be good BUT we did have to make choices. Most of our choices were healthy choices but then sometimes they weren’t – the main thing, for me, was that we stopped, looked, checked how much we wanted something and then, if we didn’t want it that badly, put it back and made a better choice.

We went to a live NRL game as well as a live AFL game – AFL now has three new converts ! What an experience that was. We are going to see Brisbane Lions vs Geelong Cats on Saturday night with someone who has more of an idea of how the game works than we do so that will be good.

We have nearly a week of celebrations for K’s birthday – family dinner last night as she only finishes uni at 8pm tonight and we thought that it was too late to get the family to wait for dinner, drinks tonight with us after uni, party on Friday night for her friends at home and the off to the AFL on Saturday night. Breakfast this morning was supposed to be weetbix and fruit but how can you have that for a birthday breakfast ? So we decided to have pancakes, syrup, lemon juice, cinnamon sugar and ice-cream instead. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do !!!!! To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed my breakfast this morning but it will mean an extra long walk this evening. I think this is the key to maintaining my weight loss when it is finally all off – eat something extra, exercise more and it will all be good !

Last night we didn’t have a chance to walk the dogs before dinner and so we said we would do it when we got home. Well after a lovely grilled piece of barramundi and a few spoons of sticky date pudding, when we got home the last thing I felt like doing was going for a walk. Plus, Grey’s Anatomy was on and that would have to be one of my favourite shows so, after booking our tickets for the AFL on Saturday and checking out the GCFC website, I sat down to watch. Al asked if I was going to walk with him and I said “No thanks – I’m watching Grey’s and I am comfy and warm here.” BAD MOVE !!!!!! I should have gone for a walk because when I eventually got to bed last night I felt so guilty about having sat watching TV rather than going walking – it was just awful. I said to Al that in future – unless there is a really good reason for me not to walk (not just a show on TV that I could actually tape !!!!) – I was going to walk. It is just so hard now that it is getting colder in the evenings – so much nicer to curl up under the blanket and just watch TV !!!!!

We are planning a 2-3 hr cycle on Sunday – have to increase the time our bums spend on the seats otherwise it is going to be a long 50kms in just over 6 weeks time. That ride will include some hill work along Turpin Road and Johnstone Street and then probably down to the Broadbeach markets and home again – that will give us a fair idea of how we think we might do in the race bearing in mind that there are going to be a gazillion other cyclists there as well as we will probably stay somewhere near the back so that we don’t stack it if other riders do ! If you are interested in sponsoring me, please give me a shout and I will send you the link.

Have a great rest of the week – take care and go safely !

TFTD : When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you till it seems you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. – Harriet Beecher Stowe

Added later : Have to love going to the drawer and pulling out clothes that you think won't fit - and they don't BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BIG !!!!! Loved the great walk we did tonight before collecting K from uni and going out for her first legal drink and play on the pokie machines.