I have been doing some thinking lately as I have a few health issues that need to be addressed – and they always make you think about other stuff, don’t they ? Anyway, even though I have these things to deal with, I was thinking about how good life is for me right now (geez, I hope I don’t jinx it by saying this !!!!). I have a fantastic family who are loving and supportive of what I do, I have a business that I am growing which does take a lot of energy but it is good to see the results of the energy spent when I get repeat clients, my weight is moving towards being in a healthy range and I love exercising and find I can get a bit cranky when we have to miss exercising for whatever reason – life is good !
I don’t know if it is my attitude that has changed or whether things are just better but I don’t feel nearly as stressed as I used to. Financially we aren’t doing as well as I would like but even that doesn’t seem to be getting me into the spin that it used to – maybe because now I realise that we are doing what we can and there isn’t much more we can do to generate extra funds (winning Lotto would be great but I don’t think it would be wise to hang everything on that happening). I could hound Coles for more shifts but I don’t think that is the answer – the one thing I would love is for the business to really take off so that A could give up Coles (but I am working on that and it will happy in time – I just hope it happens sooner rather than later !)
On the job front things aren’t all that flash – in fact, they are bloody awful – but I have realised that in order for me to concentrate my energies on my family, our business, my weight loss and our exercise, I need an area of my life that demands nothing of me other than that I show up each day, ready to put in my 9 hrs and leave at the end of the day – not having to take work home with me, not even having to take thoughts of work home with me. The last permanent job that I had saw me working 70-80 hour weeks and I know that that isn’t what I want for myself or my family – the money and the prestige of the job just aren’t worth the sacrifices we had to make for me to stay in that job and the reason why I left, for the first time ever, without having another job to go to. Probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but geez am I glad I did.
I am now starting to appreciate the down time that I do have instead of feeling guilty because I am not rushing around ‘doing’ something !
I think one of the things which is really keeping me motivated is the compliments that I have been receiving – people are really noticing the weight loss and that seems to help me stay focussed on what I need to do to continue to keep the weight coming off. When I was phoning to make an appointment with one of the specialists yesterday, the receptionist asked me what my weight was because she said she would need it for the anaesthetist – I told her what it was but also said that it wouldn’t be that in July when I have the procedure because I hope to be a lot less by then. She then asked me what I had been doing and I told her and she sounded so happy that I had lost this much weight and wished me good luck with continuing on my journey – it was just great because she doesn’t know me from a bar of soap so really had nothing to gain by being happy for what I had achieved especially as she said she had about 30kgs to lose and would love to be my current weight !!!!
To all those people out there battling and struggling with their own issues – hang in there, it does get better. There were times when I wondered if I was doomed to a life of worry and lack, but now I realise that it is up to me to make my life the best that it can be. Sitting around doing nothing but expecting it all to arrive on my doorstep is not how the universe works – nor does it work on a one for one basis of you do something for me and I will do something for you – it does except us to get up and go out there and grab hold of what we want and make it our own. And that is what I am doing – I am taking responsibility for the things that I can control and I am not worrying about the things that I can’t. I am going to use my energy in positive ways rather than negative ways and I am going to be the best person that I can be. (I am also going to ear mark this post for days when I feel like it is all turning to cr*p so that I can come and have a re-read of how positive I can be !)
TFTD : The distance is nothing, it is the first step only that is difficult.