Weight down, mood down

My weight was down 0.4kg this morning – I was hoping for 0.5 but it wasn’t to be – and that is OK because it is what it is. That takes my total to 21.9kg in 23 weeks.

My motivation today is lacking – even my FOCUS post-it on my computer didn’t do it for me. I don’t know if it is the weather that made me just want to eat whatever I could lay my hands on but I don’t like it. I feel like I am out of control with my food and I don’t like feeling like that – I don’t want to think that the food is controlling me. I NEED to be in control of what I eat – that is how I have got as far as I have. I don’t want to undo the good that I have done so far, but I am going to have to find something from somewhere to turn this feeling around. It was only a few weeks ago that I was really happy with life – granted there is something happening that it probably the cause of this, but, until decisions are made, I can’t change what is going to happen and I just have to accept it. Easier said than done, I know.

Maybe it is the lack of exercise that is also contributing to making me feel down – those endorphins haven’t had much chance lately to get pumped around. While I understand that it is OK to exercise when the weather is cold, I think it probably isn’t a good idea to exercise in the cold when I have a cold which is why I haven’t had as much exercise lately as I would have liked. I don’t know if the race on Sunday is playing on my mind as well – I know that we can cycle the 50kms and finish (we don’t have any times in mind for how long we are going to take), but I am still nervous about either stacking it myself or someone else stacking it and causing me grief. The fact that the roads are not being closed is of concern as well – knowing that many motorists have such little regard for cyclists.

Yoga was good although my right thigh is feeling a little tender now after some of the poses that we did. We worked on pigeon pose and other variations which were good - these poses always get me in the glutes. We did a really slow, contemplative salute to the sun which I really enjoyed and, of course, the meditation which is always the best way to finish the class. Somehow the energy there is so much better than when I try to meditate on my own at home.

This is a bit disjointed – sorry my mind is all over the place tonight. So much so I am using my TFTD from work here as well !!!!!! Yes, I know that I need to read this particular TFTD and take it on board because it speaks directly to how I feel right now.

TFTD : Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart - Sarah Ban Breathnach