I don’t know what has happened but today my motivation has gone AWOL – and I don’t like it ! “Come back motivation – all is forgiven”. I have to believe it is a short term hitch and nothing too serious but honestly, right now I could sit down and tuck into all the foods that I know aren’t good for my weight loss plan. But instead, I am sitting here, drinking my water and writing my blog in the hope that I will be distracted enough not to pick up my purse and go and raid the vending machine. Of course that may still happen seeing as there are still another 3 hrs of work for today left but, for now, I am distracted enough not to do it.
Last night we had ribs for dinner. I knew we were going for ribs and I planned accordingly. I could have had nothing to eat during the day but I knew that wouldn’t work because when the ribs came I would have savaged the whole rack and all the chips and probably the plate as well (actually, I don’t think they use plates I think they use serving platters !) but I planned my food for the day and cut down my calories, where I could, to allow for some extra calories at dinner. All in all I probably did eat too many calories at dinner but I am certain that it wouldn’t have been a gazillion more than I should have – in fact it probably wasn’t even thousands more than I should have and more like maybe a couple of hundred calories more than I should have. But, given the exercise that we got up to on the weekend, I know that I have already burnt those calories off. So the question is – Why do I feel like I want to eat every single chocolate in sight today ? Is it because I haven’t reached my 10,000 steps for the past two days and, while I know I need to make the effort for the rest of week, I am already wondering how late at night I will need to walk in order to reach my 10,000 steps for the rest of the week. Part of me has said – why not make your week the same as your weigh week (Thursday – Wednesday) ? But there is a part of me that knows that it is just trying to justify having another day of not reaching my goal without making me feel guilty !!! I understand that things happen to get in the way of our plans but this is really just bad planning on my part – actually, not even bad planning because these were planned, I just didn’t follow the plan when it came up as a reminder on my phone !!!!! So I need to pull myself towards myself, stop stuffing around and just get on with what needs to be done.
I have a new client tonight which is great – hopefully she will turn into a regular client but if she doesn’t, I hope that she enjoys the treatment that she will have had by the time I get to post this entry.
I wonder if maybe I am trying to spread my positivity too thin. I am trying to stay positive about my weight loss, my eating and my exercise and even more so than those, I am trying to stay positive about finding a new job – the job that is just right for me because I really don’t want to go from one miserable job to another. I want to find a job that is challenging without being over the top because at the end of the day, my family and my health are more important than any job will ever be but it is so hard when I have been looking for such a long time and trying to stay positive for such a long time I starting to wear me down. I feel like I must be doing it incorrectly otherwise how come the universe hasn’t responded. I know that the universe works in it’s own time but, in this context, three months isn’t exactly a short period of time.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
TFTD : When you realise that nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you !