Feeling like cr*p today

If today is any indication of what it is going to be like when K goes back to school next week, I am not looking forward to it one little bit. She had a maths tut to go to at school this morning and then went to the movies with some friends and the day was just awful - no-one to play the giddy goat with and nobody around to make me laugh ! I am going to really miss having her around.

I got up this morning and went to gym. Then came home and had breakfast and K drove to school (she did a really good job seeing as it was the first time she had driven in traffic in her manual car). After that I went and got some shopping and then came home and starting applying for a job that had been advertised on seek - it is with Queensland Health and, after trying to work out how to answer all their selection criteria, I have to wonder how badly I need the job (well actually I am desperate for a job so I answered all the questions) - now I am just waiting for a referee to get back to me so that I can put his details forward - if I haven't heard back from him by the morning, I am going to use another of my ex-boss'.

My walk today was done with the help of my iPod - I don't think I would have made it without the company of the music. I got home in time to go to fetch K from the movies only to find that the garage remote wouldn't open the garage door - bugger !!! Called my Dad and asked if they could come over and let me in so sat in the shade waiting for them. They came, I dashed inside, got a drink of water (had left my water and tissues at home when I went walking - not a good idea in 30+ degree weather at 2.30pm !!!!), and dashed out to get her.

Got home and got the therapy room ready for a client tonight and then got dinner cooked. Jumped in the pool before my client arrived as it was still so hot at 6pm.

Now I am sitting here trying to keep positive even though I fell cr*p - I haven't had a full time job since the middle of November, my casual hours at Coles are becoming more and more sporadic due to me going to lectures two nights a week, I have cut our expenses as much as I can without cancelling polices and such and even though I have been applying for jobs, most of the time I don't hear anything back. The worst part of it is that I know that I am totally capable of doing the jobs that I have applied for (it isn't as though I am just sending my CV off for ANY job - I only apply for ones that I know I can do) and I don't even get a thanks but no thanks letter from them. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING - today I could just feel myself wanting to crawl into a little ball and cry my eyes out and it was all I could do to stop myself. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but my self esteem is slowly being worn down to nothing. I know that the right job for me is out there and I just need to be patient - all I can do is send my CV off - the rest is up to the people who receive it.

Thank goodness for my walking - I have to say that I am really enjoying that. K mentioned yesterday how much fitter I was and I asked her why she said that - she replied "Don't you remember those first few walks we did when I first broke up from school - you battled to keep up with me and I had to keep on slowing down for you ? Now you keep up with me without any problem" - then I realised that I must have got fitter because she was right - I was able to keep up with her. At the gym this morning the lady asked me how I was going - I said that it was good although my legs and arms are still very weak and only able to cope with the weights that she had put for me - BUT the chest press (I think that is what it is called) and the lat machine (whatever that is called) I was finding reasonably easy so the second time around the circuit she upped the weights on those two and I could feel the difference which was good.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to take heart from the fact that the sun will come up (well most likely it will given where I live !!) , my family and I will still have our health and, at some point in the future, I will find a permanent position.

Have a great day everyone and take care !

Thought for the day : Use your past successes as a trampoline, not an easy chair